God I Miss Her

Every man needs a romance … THAT romance …

That romance that scares your mother.

That romance that makes other women a little annoyed but also a little jealous …

She needs the be an attention getter.  She needs to wrap herself around you and remind you you are safe, but also know that she could kill you.  There is only room for one.

You have to be willing to put it all in and expect it all from her.  You have to know that no matter what, no matter how long it takes, if you give it all, you will get it all.

For a time in my life I was the most alive I have ever felt.  I have touched on it since but not like then, not predictable, like when I knew it was about to happen.  Sometimes it didn’t work out but as I got better at it and more prepared, those moments of life made the waiting between all worth it.  All the work and time and effort and scars made those times, those amazing times so worth it.

These times will likely still go down in my life as I get older as some of if not my greatest moments.  When life slowed down.  When everything made sense.  When I was in control.  When even the confusion of it all was beauty in chaos.  I walked towards the heat and the danger.

It excited me.

The heat could be amazing.  Overwhelming.  I didn’t care about the sweat, it was part of the allure.  It personified the power.  It defined those moments.

Sometimes it felt dirty.  It was wet.  It could consume every sensation and every part of my body.  Never before or since have I put so much of my body to use all at once and consumed everything I had.  Sore muscles, thirsty, exhaustion, the overwhelming desire to go faster, longer, harder … GOD IT WAS LIFE.

After a while I added music to it.  Not just any music, power driving music.  you know, THAT music …

When i did …

it ALL came together …

like nothing before or since…

Then, only on occasions … but then … it was perfection.

The noise, the motion, the power all dominated all my senses.  There was room for nothing else.

No one else.

It could be so overwhelming sometimes it could even bring me to tears.  When done, there was nothing left but that feeling that something amazing just happened and the world had changed a little.

Afterwards …

Afterwards I would strut.

God I miss racing…

runoffs 98

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